Adrian blogs: Wish I may, wish I might…

Current mood: confused

It has been two years since my last serious girlfriend. After that, I became the usual college stud who prefers short term flings than a serious relationship. But then after more than a year of doing that (19 months to be exact.), I think Im finally ready to be in a relationship again (A serious one this time. Im tired of playing around.) So Ill just go straight to the point. I am so into this girl right now. Actually, I already noticed her since we were 1st year but we never got introduced or anything. We just pass each other by in the hallways or something. That was until now when we became classmates in all subjects. Since tatlo lang kaming magkatulad ng schedules, kaming tatlo ang parating nagkakasama since last week Ako lang ung lalaki. Ung isa, nagging classmate ko na for 3 semesters now. And the other one, is Her. When I finally got to meet her, na-confirm ko nga un mga 1st impressions ko that she was sweet, humble, mapag-aruga, funny, smart, and well disciplined. We got really close because weve been hanging out whole week last week. We ate lunch together, watched Dvds at my place, went to Colon (Its like Divisoria here in Cebu) to go shopping for cheap blouses and shirts, and I even helped here in moving from her former dorm to the new boarding house where she is living now. So in short, we really got close in a span of a week. Having noticed her since before, it is already predictable that I fell for this girl. And why not Shes a fairly attractive girl plus the personality to match. And I also feel na comfortable cya with me. But, heres the catch: She has a boyfriend. I knew it all along but then I was never cautioned about it. But then, I did not expect myself to have that certain feeling for her. And another thing, her boyfriend is studying in Manila so they really arent seeing each other that often. Feel ko rin na naoobvious na sa kanya na Im interested in her and feel ko rin na she is welcoming it. So basically, Im in the same situation that happen between Zanjoe and Bianca. The difference is that walang cameras na nag su-surveillance naming which makes it a little more easier. So puedeng-puede na maging kami without her original boyfriend knowing about it. But like any ethical guy out there, I respect the fact that she has a boyfriend and I dont want to make a move if they are still on just for the sake of respect. But what really got me thinking right now is how to control these feelings for her. What I really hate about it is that Im starting to get jealous with her boyfriend and to any guy who even just talks to her. Alam ko naman na I never had the right to get jealous because there was never a relationship between us anyways! Its her boyfriends right to get jealous! (And Ive never felt this much jealousy before not even to my ex-girlfriends!) Whats making me more bothered is that she always compares her boyfriend to me. Shell mention that we have the same height and she wishes if only her boyfriend was as may-laman as me (her boyfriend is so thin.)

Tonight, shes going home back to her province for the holy week and I know that shell be with her boyfriend there. Just thinking about it makes me boil with jealousy and want to do something really stupid!

Why does it have to be someone whos attached? Meron naman akong kilalang girls na single na umaamin na maypagtingin rin sakin. Why didnt I fell for them? Im so bothered right now. I guess I have to live with it. Come what may!

Heres the best song that describes my feelings, Its called Wish and its by our fellow Cebuano artist, Soulstring (www.soulstring.tk)

Oh It hurts me when your with another,
but I have no right coz Im not your lover
Wish I may, wish I might,
Get your love, get things right,
Baby youre the one thing that I might never have,
And God knows where, God knows why
Maybe now, till I die,
But theres only one thing I am sure for now,
There was never us somehow