Maristel blogs: A mistake
I was up till 10:30... CRYING... For some reasons that any man can't explain. I've been doing a lot of thinkings lately. I've been asking the Lord for guidance and signs for me to stop. Stop doing things for the people who are close to my heart. I've been crying myself to sleep for 4 nights straight. I dunno if it's normal, but just what I learned in Psychology - CATHARSIS - releasing pent up emotions. Everynight, after all my night rituals, I would lay down on my bed. I felt so uneasy. I would end up seeng myself turning myself from side to side - thinking of what I might have done to hurt other people's heart. But I just can't think of any thing that I've done to cause them pain. I was once hurt when I asked my Kuya about my money. I told him that i've been doing a lot of hard works lately and I guess I deserve to get my money in whole. Not just by partial means. I've been working for his company for 4 years and I haven't asked for anything in return. I just wanted to help and see his company growing. I've been taking good care of our clients so that they wouldn't seek for another company that can also provide them of what we can provide them for the past few years. What hurts me was when he told me "Bakit, may ginawa ka ba?" It's just so painful! Coz all this time, that I've been a part of his company, I did my best and I did my part. It's just not so easy putting all your pains inside your heart and not letting it out. Everynight ang lagi ko na lang kausap is our Mighty Father. Coz I know that he's always there and listening to our mourns, cries and heartaches! What we wanted was just a simple outing. An outing that will make everyone happy and make us unwind. But what's been happening lately was "urong-sulong" I dunno what his reasons were - I know there is...
Kasi kami na kasama niya dito sa compound ang lagi niyang karamay and still he's longing for others company. My Aunt and I are willing to do all the works... The cooking, the preparing and everything. Di naman na siguro mabait yun. Coz we offer him everything so that our outing will materialize. I just pity my little cousins who were expeccting from him. Okay na nga lang kahit di na ako sumama - ang happiness ko lang is to see my cousins happy and at least this summer, nag enjoy naman sila...
There was also a certain reason wherein I can't state it here that really broke my heart... He would keep on telling me that some of my relatives really wanted to spend this vacation with me, especially sa outing nga... To those person that he mentioned to me... Katext ko silang lahat. Everyday, I've been sending them quotes - but how come not a single text have I receive from anyone of them saying that they miss me and they're all looking forward seeing me this summer? Lahat sila naka-line... Ako prepaid lang - but still I managed to text them... Am not talking about smart to smart things... Some of them use globe too... Kahit naka unlimited ako I still do remember them... Not just once in while but everyday of my life. It's just breaking my heart!!!
just an explanation:
~*~ Another one... I just saw the site (PBBFG2)... Nalulungkot ako with the outcome of the nomination... I don't want Kath out of the house... Naging close na sya sa akin and I know that there are a lot of things I still want to know about her. Kaya lang parang pinagdadamot naman ata ng tadhana! I know that there's this particular virtual housemate who just voted her out... I hope he or she did a lot of thinking before he or she voted. Kath is a good person. Being a penalty queen is not the basis in this game. Threats are not the basis in this game. I just don't know why some people are so narrow, shallow that they forgot to do some rational thinking. I do believe in free will - it's his or her decision to vote Kath out - but has he or she thought of what he or she might be missing... I myself made a mistake during this 2nd re-nomination. Not that I'm blaming myself but when I voted I was so excited coz I know that we'll be leaving any hour that night and I have to accomplish everything in the virtual house. I submitted my Photo Collage Activity. I wrote and updated my blog... I voted... I left a message for the virtual housemate who recently quit the game.... Everything's been a rollercoaster ride lately... I don't want the same thing that happened when Dylan was voted out. It wasn't intentional. It was an honest mistake.
This time, I know some things are clear and some things aren't... I just hope that for the next few weeks to come, maging clean game na ito. I hate "siraan" I hate "revenge"
I'm a person who happens to believe that for whatever happens we should all be ready to accept the fact... Whether it might be the good or tha harsh way. I've met a lot of people here. I've won a lot of friends and for that I will be forever thankful and grateful that even for just a hundred days... I've met some people who's real and unreal. Life is a stage. We're the actors who plays in it. There will always be villains and people na "naaapi" - but I hope this will end well. Let's not pretend! Let's all be open!
It's not a matter of who's playing it right or the wrong way - but let's all remember that everything will end with just a single flick of a finger. We don't know what will happen next... Kung sino man ang magiging next evictee - I'm wishing you well... Kung sino man ang matitira... Let's all be friends... There's no money involved in this game! Not even a trip to U.S. sana naman let's all pust the past aside... Forget about it! Start anew...
Current Mood: Sad
Current Music: Only Time - Enya
I was up till 10:30... CRYING... For some reasons that any man can't explain. I've been doing a lot of thinkings lately. I've been asking the Lord for guidance and signs for me to stop. Stop doing things for the people who are close to my heart. I've been crying myself to sleep for 4 nights straight. I dunno if it's normal, but just what I learned in Psychology - CATHARSIS - releasing pent up emotions. Everynight, after all my night rituals, I would lay down on my bed. I felt so uneasy. I would end up seeng myself turning myself from side to side - thinking of what I might have done to hurt other people's heart. But I just can't think of any thing that I've done to cause them pain. I was once hurt when I asked my Kuya about my money. I told him that i've been doing a lot of hard works lately and I guess I deserve to get my money in whole. Not just by partial means. I've been working for his company for 4 years and I haven't asked for anything in return. I just wanted to help and see his company growing. I've been taking good care of our clients so that they wouldn't seek for another company that can also provide them of what we can provide them for the past few years. What hurts me was when he told me "Bakit, may ginawa ka ba?" It's just so painful! Coz all this time, that I've been a part of his company, I did my best and I did my part. It's just not so easy putting all your pains inside your heart and not letting it out. Everynight ang lagi ko na lang kausap is our Mighty Father. Coz I know that he's always there and listening to our mourns, cries and heartaches! What we wanted was just a simple outing. An outing that will make everyone happy and make us unwind. But what's been happening lately was "urong-sulong" I dunno what his reasons were - I know there is...
Kasi kami na kasama niya dito sa compound ang lagi niyang karamay and still he's longing for others company. My Aunt and I are willing to do all the works... The cooking, the preparing and everything. Di naman na siguro mabait yun. Coz we offer him everything so that our outing will materialize. I just pity my little cousins who were expeccting from him. Okay na nga lang kahit di na ako sumama - ang happiness ko lang is to see my cousins happy and at least this summer, nag enjoy naman sila...
There was also a certain reason wherein I can't state it here that really broke my heart... He would keep on telling me that some of my relatives really wanted to spend this vacation with me, especially sa outing nga... To those person that he mentioned to me... Katext ko silang lahat. Everyday, I've been sending them quotes - but how come not a single text have I receive from anyone of them saying that they miss me and they're all looking forward seeing me this summer? Lahat sila naka-line... Ako prepaid lang - but still I managed to text them... Am not talking about smart to smart things... Some of them use globe too... Kahit naka unlimited ako I still do remember them... Not just once in while but everyday of my life. It's just breaking my heart!!!
just an explanation:
~*~ Another one... I just saw the site (PBBFG2)... Nalulungkot ako with the outcome of the nomination... I don't want Kath out of the house... Naging close na sya sa akin and I know that there are a lot of things I still want to know about her. Kaya lang parang pinagdadamot naman ata ng tadhana! I know that there's this particular virtual housemate who just voted her out... I hope he or she did a lot of thinking before he or she voted. Kath is a good person. Being a penalty queen is not the basis in this game. Threats are not the basis in this game. I just don't know why some people are so narrow, shallow that they forgot to do some rational thinking. I do believe in free will - it's his or her decision to vote Kath out - but has he or she thought of what he or she might be missing... I myself made a mistake during this 2nd re-nomination. Not that I'm blaming myself but when I voted I was so excited coz I know that we'll be leaving any hour that night and I have to accomplish everything in the virtual house. I submitted my Photo Collage Activity. I wrote and updated my blog... I voted... I left a message for the virtual housemate who recently quit the game.... Everything's been a rollercoaster ride lately... I don't want the same thing that happened when Dylan was voted out. It wasn't intentional. It was an honest mistake.
This time, I know some things are clear and some things aren't... I just hope that for the next few weeks to come, maging clean game na ito. I hate "siraan" I hate "revenge"
I'm a person who happens to believe that for whatever happens we should all be ready to accept the fact... Whether it might be the good or tha harsh way. I've met a lot of people here. I've won a lot of friends and for that I will be forever thankful and grateful that even for just a hundred days... I've met some people who's real and unreal. Life is a stage. We're the actors who plays in it. There will always be villains and people na "naaapi" - but I hope this will end well. Let's not pretend! Let's all be open!
It's not a matter of who's playing it right or the wrong way - but let's all remember that everything will end with just a single flick of a finger. We don't know what will happen next... Kung sino man ang magiging next evictee - I'm wishing you well... Kung sino man ang matitira... Let's all be friends... There's no money involved in this game! Not even a trip to U.S. sana naman let's all pust the past aside... Forget about it! Start anew...
Current Mood: Sad
Current Music: Only Time - Enya
posted by BigBad at
8:58 PM
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